In Person
Monday, November 25, 2002
I keep meeting people who have read this diary. It's strange because I think I thought hardly anyone would read it, but actually rather alot of people do. Apparently this kind of diary is called a BLOG..derived from web logs. Mmmm. One of the reasons I wanted to do it was because having had cancer alot of people think that one steadily declines, which is not the case. My (breast) cancer was diagnosed in 1995 and I'm quite used to it now. I think of it as an incompetent kind of disease, that sometimes manages to rally a weak drunken army and to attempt to make an attack somewhere in my body. However, most of the time it lies about in a dirty heap snoring. It recurred (the Battle of The Windpipe) in 2000 when a new tumour was found in my chest. However thanks to a drug called taxotere (from yew trees) it disappeared again. I think it's also thanks to acupuncture which I've had for years. Earlier this year there was an uprising in my lower back ( the Spinal Wars) which went on for a while, but is now defeated. I never used to like all this battle imagery, but infact it's rather apt. I do feel like I have to go to war sometimes. There are a few weak battalions hiding out in the mountain areas and forests of my body..hence a recent operation....and I'm sure there are all kinds of ambushes and hijacks ahead, but on the whole I am quite stable now. I have a good team of doctors (the generals?) who all know me well, and I feel quite in control of myself. I don't have to take horrible drugs or anything. Most of the time I forget about it. I suppose its always true that the image we have of a disease is rarely accurate. Susan Sontag's book 'The Metaphor of Illness' (or something like that) talks about the personality of diseases like TB and AIDS. In terms of cancers, breast cancer gets loads of attention and patients get alot of sympathy, unlike people with bowel cancer or brain tumours.
I spent the weekend looking at Art; at Baltic, the new Biscuit Gallery in Newcastle, and then some open artists studios at the Cluny Warehouse. Saw some fantastic stuff. Now I'm back on the novel, but refreshed by so much visual stimulation. Writing is after all, a very visual medium and is all about trying to get the reader to SEE. Attachments is going great at Live Theatre. People laugh alot which makes me feel happy.
Posted by julia @ 12:52 PM GMT
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
I've come back from another week away writing. Luckily it rained all week so there wasn't much temptation to go out. It's interesting when you remove yourself from any domestic duties. After a few days my whole inner clock changes and I think if I stayed away for longer I would probably stay up most of the night, get up late, probably writing in bed until early afternoon. Also, I realise that however hard I might try to work like a machine, I can only WRITE for about three hours a day. However, it's wonderful to spend the rest of the time thinking and doing nothing, and this is definitely when ideas come. Also being away with other writers helps, as we tended to spend evenings talking about problems in the work and how to overcome them.
While I was away 'Double Lives' opened at Live Theatre, so I didn't see it until it had been on several nights. Charlie and Trevor are fantastic, and they have given the play so much energy. I really like writing for particular actors, and I wish I could always work that way.
I'm stuck for a good novel. I know there are hundreds of brilliant books out there, but I've reached that point when one can't decide what to read next. I long to strike a new seam!Posted by julia @ 09:10 AM GMT
Thursday, November 7, 2002
Tonight Diamond Twig, the small press I co-run with Ellen Phethean, is launching an anthology of short stories called 'Even The Ants Have Names' down at Live Theatre. It's a stunning collection of stories, featuring new writers such as Mary Lowe, Linda Leatherbarow, Sue Rickards, Betty Weiner and others. It's a beautiful book too, in classic Diamond Twig style.
There have been far too many fireworks. It's got out of hand. Also very passive, as at least with sparklers you can wave them around a bit. I think someone should invent a hat for dogs to wear at this time.Posted by julia @ 10:16 AM GMT
Tuesday, November 5, 2002
Not a nice day for dogs or sensitive children, but otherwise rather exciting. I have re-emerged from my operation at the Freeman. During the course of my stay there I was asked my date of birth nineteen times. It seems the operation went ok, although I feel like I've been in a fight. As usual there was a wartime spirit on the ward and I had some ferocious buddies there, sharing each others ups and downs. The tea trolley crashed into the ward at regular intervals, waking us all up. Everything was a faded yellow colour, including me. Actually, the nurses were amazing. They were so good looking and capable.They came whenever I rang my bell. I was told everything many times. When I got home I quite missed being told what to do. I longed for the sound of distant polishers, and regular administering of pain killers. The point of this operation is to make me feel better, and although I felt fine before I had it, I have been assured that I wouldn't have done quite soon.
[more]Posted by julia @ 04:01 PM GMT
Created by Julia Darling and Cornwell Internet.